July 21, 2010 brings to an end two full decades of marriage to my wonderful wife, Sue. Twenty years as husband and wife and almost twenty-three living together under the same roof. We've co-inhabited in nine different residences (soon to be ten) in five different cities/towns, in two different provinces in one great country and all of them felt like home with her beside me.
We've seen a lot of change in twenty years; we have taken life head-on together. We've had good years and bad, rich years and poor, fat years and lean, a few fun childless years and many, many more with three fantastic children that provide yet another example of our combined strength. We've fought and argued over the years but very rarely these days. I think we know each other so well now there is little left to fight about and what there is has such a predictable outcome, it hardly seems worth the trouble. We've learnt the art of compromise and truly do want to see the other's point of view.
We sometimes seem to be able to read each other's thoughts as if they were our own, and sometimes they might as well be. And though there are many times and issues which we are at opposite poles, they aren't the important times or issues. I know without asking that Sue has my back and she knows I have hers.
We each have distinct duties in the partnership, some might even say it was a traditional marriage except that there is very little that is traditional for either Sue or I, but we also help each other and cooperate in most things ... we both have our share of shitty tasks. I think we both see it as more or less a fair and equal relationship.
We've grown emotionally, individually and as a couple. I know her in a way she doesn't know herself, and vice-versa. We've each learnt how and when to share that information with the other to help ... and sometimes we even act on that knowledge but not always as we've also learnt to recognize when it won't help. We spend a lot of time with each other but have also learnt when it is time to be apart. We are comfortable apart and there is zero jealousy in our relationship on either side; how can you allow jealousy to exist with trust? And our trust in each other is absolute.
We've travelled together for thousands of miles: in tents and trailers, motels and hotels, by car, train, ship and plane with the kids and without. We've visited and stayed in nine provinces, many more than once. We partied for a week like it was 1999 in Amsterdam (though it was a few years into the 21st century and I'll never forget her blistered feet for as long as I live), we've spent countless hours sitting together playing gin-rummy, drinking red wine, talking politics, making fun of teevee personalities, watching movies and just sitting in the same room together, each doing our own thing listening to music, occasionally engaging the other in conversation, or just enjoying the comfortable silence.
Together we have tried to make our mutual and shared environment a better one for ourselves, each other and those that are around us. I think we have, on balance, succeeded in doing just that. I can't really imagine life without her by my side and I hope I never have to. I can only hope for all my children that they should find a partner in life as prefect for them as Sue is for me and, I know, I for her.
Another 20 years is easy to imagine and look forward to!